Those points of culmination in your life. When nothing in particular happens but you life just presents itself in front of you as if to say "So what do you think?". Why? I have so many neuroses and I don't even know how I got half of them. I don't tolerate that, I have to know why I feel the way I feel about everything. But why do I avoid so much? I avoid every deadline, every commitment, every judgment. Anything definite terrifies me and I haven't the slightest idea why. Other people can manage to get their shit together and face things head on. My life presented itself to me saying "you have no more pertinent homework, you don't want to work on anything else and you're not hungry and you don't want to go to bed, so now what?". How the fuck did I get like that?Why does the definition of my life lie in my bed between the hours of five and midnight? I feel like the Wizard of Oz only without the kickass special effects, I live life behind a curtain. The questions are: How did I get this way? Do I like it? Can I get out? And if so, How? I feel like a scratched CD that keeps skipping, you get the same thing over and over again in tiny increments. Sometime you get a little something new but then it just gets added to the recital. Points of culmination: wondering why do you hate school dances? why would you rather stay at home and watch tv? if you hate something, why don't you change it? I refuse to believe the reason is sheer laziness. So what? Fear? Is that it? Too many questions. Points of "oh shit" culmination.