Thursday, March 18, 2010

Poetry: Failure in Success?

Ridiculous thoughts either make for poetry or ridiculous thoughts. I have many of them and have taken to writing them down in the hopes that they're worth more than a piece of shit. I mean, here's to hoping right? But since my poetic thoughts are limited tonight to say the least, I'll simply share a poem from one of my favorite poets, Tony Hoagland.

Brave World

But what about the courage
of the cancer cell
that breaks out from the crowd
it has belonged to all its life

like a housewife erupting
from her line at the grocery store
because she just can't stand
the sameness anymore?

What about the virus that arrives
in town like a traveler
from somewhere faraway
with suitcases in hand,

who only wants a place
to stay, a chance to get ahead
in the land of opportunity
but who smells bad,

talks funny, and reproduces fast?
What about the microbe that
hurls its tiny boat straight
into the rushing metabolic tide,

no less cunning and intrepid
than Odysseus; that gambles all
to found a city
on an unknown shore?

What about their bill of rights,
their access to a full-scale,
first-class destiny?
their chance to realize

maximum potential? - which, sure,
will come at the expense
of someone else, someone
who, from a certain point of view,

is a secondary character,
whose weeping is almost
too far off to hear,

a noise among the noises
coming from the shadows
of any brave new world.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I don't regret things. I'm just not that type of a person. It's maddening. I mean, I don't need people. I don't even want them half the time! I can't fucking let go of the whole thing! And I hate that ever sentence until this one has started with and "I". Fuck! He's not even worth it. AT ALL. He is everything that is okay but not great. Why would I want him anyway? I'm not saying that I'm all that and a bag chips, but we were not compatible. I mean why dream, why stare, why think, why dwell on something was a headache and a half. I should have no regret. I think it is less regret for what I did and more a hope that things would have been different.

Fruitless but hopeful walks around the neighborhood looking for a '56 Chevy BelAir. Inane.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Those points of culmination in your life. When nothing in particular happens but you life just presents itself in front of you as if to say "So what do you think?". Why? I have so many neuroses and I don't even know how I got half of them. I don't tolerate that, I have to know why I feel the way I feel about everything. But why do I avoid so much? I avoid every deadline, every commitment, every judgment. Anything definite terrifies me and I haven't the slightest idea why. Other people can manage to get their shit together and face things head on. My life presented itself to me saying "you have no more pertinent homework, you don't want to work on anything else and you're not hungry and you don't want to go to bed, so now what?". How the fuck did I get like that?Why does the definition of my life lie in my bed between the hours of five and midnight? I feel like the Wizard of Oz only without the kickass special effects, I live life behind a curtain. The questions are: How did I get this way? Do I like it? Can I get out? And if so, How? I feel like a scratched CD that keeps skipping, you get the same thing over and over again in tiny increments. Sometime you get a little something new but then it just gets added to the recital. Points of culmination: wondering why do you hate school dances? why would you rather stay at home and watch tv? if you hate something, why don't you change it? I refuse to believe the reason is sheer laziness. So what? Fear? Is that it? Too many questions. Points of "oh shit" culmination.