I am posting because I feel like it, not because I have anything of consequence to say. So sue me! It's my blog; I'm allowed to do that. It's incredibly strange to have things going well and somewhat according to plan for once. What is not strange is to find myself still unhappy and confused in the midst of it all and constantly knowing that I have no right to be. Sad how that works. Humans get so used to being unhappy that even happiness makes them unhappy. It's as if the two emotions switch places due to the frequency of their presence. Which means that if unhappy becomes the new happy and humans constantly crave it, nothing has truly changed except the new happy is much easier to obtain. Does this mean that it is less valuable? I have no idea. No bloody idea.
I guess the one constant is courage. Either way, it takes courage to face both. Funny enough, but facing happiness is far more terrifying and alien to me than anything else. It seems to rob me of what little purpose I have left. If I am happy and begin to rest on my laurels, then where is the drive? For what do I have to strive? These questions are meant in the most philosophical way possible coming from an eighteen year old. They have not even a tish bit of emo influence. This is not: "i want to go out and kill myself" i-have-no-purpose, it is: "i am lost and don't know what the fuck I am going to do with my life" i-have-no-purpose. I think this is pretty standard, off the menu, cheeseburger and fries stuff for eighteen year olds. I hope so.
So yes.... Courage.
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